Not long after, I emerged from the bedroom. Having finished my piece, I felt relieved, and calmed. As usual, the writing process put me in a completely different state. I'm still amazed by the conversations we can have together when a problem arises.
Everywhere I looked I saw us. I saw us in everything. I drove the same routes and streets that we used to, just out of habit. Past our old apartment building, and restaurants we enjoyed together. I felt like a ghost wandering through a graveyard of
memories, places that still exist, yet we don't.
The only way forward is with courage...the courage to move forward ALONE....and to decide that you would rather be alone than repeat unhealthy patterns, because that decision is ultimately a gift to yourself, a chance at finding something truly beautiful, and meaningful, something you are deserving of. And so you see why you must love yourself? Because if you do not, then you have no reason to face these fears, and nothing to fight for.
I'm frustrated. It's been months and I'm tired of all the lessons. The inspirational quotes and memes that were once significant and meaningful, now only contradict each other. Peace, forgiveness, loving yourself, acceptance...all beautiful notions in theory and much harder to accomplish in reality. I'm supposed to sit quiet and listen to myself, get to... Continue Reading →
Its not to dispel all the good that you did do, or the effort that you made, but why must we dispel the good, and the effort of another simply because they hurt us "more"?
We tend to respond to situations automatically, in a way that is expected be it by society, or an inherent way of our being. If you are wronged, the "normal" response is anger, sadness, hyping yourself up with friends over a shared bottle of wine, talking about 'what a dick he is' and how 'you deserve so much better'.
I woke up today and felt an overwhelming sensation of "aloneness". Different than loneliness in that my idea of loneliness is that you miss someone, not necessarily someone specific, but you have an idea of someone or something to miss. Aloneness, this feeling that I woke up with is heavier. I can't feel lonely for... Continue Reading →
I was fearful that Valentines Day was going to be rough, I have 3 consecutive good Valentines experiences on record, previous to these happy memories I subscribed to the notion that Valentines was a capitalist holiday, and well I was just too cool to care about something so pathetic with all the flowers and chocolate... Continue Reading →