Love of Self : Part 1

I made it through to the long awaited other side. The goal, the light at then end of the tunnel, the never ending tunnel. What I truly desired hidden in the depths of my heart and soul, shrouded by fear, trapped in the folds of pain.

I found it! I made it to my truth, I found me. That little voice deep inside is now loud and clear because I found love… A love for myself.

Once that was found, everything else fell away, swallowed by the past, and I have been set free.

What once plagued my mind no longer consumes me. No longer am I imprisoned by my own thoughts, circulating endlessly in my brain, making me question my own sanity at times. When you know what you want for yourself, but are still to scared to reach for it, you tend to lapse back into the familiar, even when its wrong, and you know in your heart its not what you want.

Once you love yourself, only you matter, only what makes you happy and brings you joy. Fear doesn’t exist because if you love yourself then surely you trust yourself, and even if you don’t or are not entirely certain… well some of us just love the adventure. There was a time when fear of the unknown trapped me, now it excites me to no end.

I’m not afraid to fall again. I’m not afraid to love again, in fact I want to. Because now there’s a comfort that comes from within, from knowing myself; the importance of listening to you gut, trusting your instincts, and being in touch with what you want for yourself, what you want to find in another person, what you want to make of your life.

Learning about who you are, what brings a smile to your face, what sets your soul on fire and ignites your passions, what makes you feel alive; That is love of self.

For so much of my life I felt like I was wasting time, watching my life pass me by as I struggled to do the right thing, or what others wanted, or what I thought I should do cause its what was normal or expected… I never felt like I belonged, I always felt the world calling to me, and for so long I would say the world was my passion, but as the years passed I stopped listening, and stopped reaching. I lost my passion and fire all together, too afraid to go into the world and seek adventure and make my life what I wanted it to be. So much so that I was willing to settle into a life not meant for me.

There’s a saying that the universe will push back when you are not listening, it will scream at you. Meaning the more you force something to be that isn’t meant to be, the greater you’ll suffer. But if you’re strong enough to endure the pain, and if you have the desire to love yourself, then you find the courage to fight for yourself and the life you want, and then the world is yours.